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Jewish World Review March 8, 2002 / 24 Adar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... -- Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan issued an optimistic forecast to Congress Monday regarding employment. Millions of jobs are being created by the new economy. Who would have thought just a year ago that Ted Koppel would be hiring gag writers?

Bob Hope donated $1 million worth of political jokes to the Smithsonian this week. The gift follows a $10 million donation of comedy material he made to the museum in 1998. Over the years, only the voters have sent more jokes to Washington.

U.S. forces trapped Al Qaeda forces in the mountains of Eastern Afghanistan in Operation Anaconda. The terrorists had no place to run. Their defeat was so humiliating and so complete that the entire region is being renamed Condit Country.

Gary Condit lost Tuesday, the same day the Independent Counsel clobbered Bill Clinton. It was a day of mourning for womanizers. At the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner ordered a black flag and the blondes went to Home Depot to buy insect killer.

California Republican Bill Simon won the GOP nomination for governor Tuesday. He will face Governor Gray Davis in November. No one wants to say they are dull, but California had more electricity when we were at the mercy of Enron last spring.

President Bush started a trade war with Europe by slapping a 30 percent tariff on all imported steel. He already was running a drug war and a terror war. This August, he could be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize just for going on vacation.

The European Boxing Union said Mike Tyson is welcome to box Lennox Lewis in Madrid. Talk about hypocrites. A month ago Spain was whining about the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo and now they don't care if Lennox Lewis gets eaten alive.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.


© 2002, Argus Hamilton