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Jewish World Review May 2, 2003 / 30 Nissan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Dr. Atkins was remembered in full-page ads in USA Today by his diet institute Monday. Self-improvement can get out of hand. One guy gave up sugar, smoking, caffeine, drinking and sex and he was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Gerald Ford gave a lecture at the University of Akron on personal ethics and values Monday. He's known for his honesty. Gerald Ford never told a lie about his golf score because anybody could look back up the fairway and count the wounded.

Jennifer Lopez demanded a prenuptial agreement giving her half of Ben Affleck's fortune if he cheats. It brings a talented woman to light. In addition to being a United States Senator and writing a book, Hillary Clinton has set up a consulting practice.

Don Rumsfeld said Thursday U.S. troops will leave Saudi Arabia. Hard times are ahead. Now that the U.S. has all the oil it needs, Saudi Arabia could be forced to earn U.S. dollars by renting out their royal palaces for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs.

Vladimir Putin tried to humiliate Tony Blair Thursday in Moscow. He demanded on camera to know where was Saddam Hussein and where were the weapons of mass destruction. Tony Blair had the manners not to ask him where was the Soviet Union.

President Bush landed on the USS Abraham Lincoln Thursday and made a speech about the Iraq war. He cautioned the nation that the mission is not complete and the hostilities are far from over. The Democrats don't even have a nominee yet.

Baghdad Bob tried to surrender in Baghdad on Thursday but U.S. troops wouldn't take him. He became famous as the Iraqi Information Minister who denied U.S. tanks were in Baghdad while he was under fire by U.S. tanks in Baghdad. Baghdad Bob is the first man since Richard Pryor deemed by U.S. authorities to be too funny to prosecute.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton