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Jewish World Review July 4, 2002 / 24 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Barry Bonds was asked by animal rights groups to stop endorsing KFC because the chickens are given steroids for bulk. How silly. If the chickens don't have a problem with Barry Bonds, why should Barry Bonds have a problem with the chickens?

Hollywood is marking the fortieth anniversary of the first James Bond movie, released in 1962. It's interesting to watch how as Agent 007 gets older, his interests begin to change. The next James Bond movie will be called License to Fish.

ABC Sports was ripped for its World Cup coverage Sunday. The game is foreign to Americans. As best we can see it, a red card means you're out, a yellow card means you are warned, and a green card means you've been accepted to flight school.

President Bush held an Inner City Compassion Rally in Cleveland. He has aided minorities, raised tariffs and spent big on education. Next time burglars break into Democratic National Headquarters it will be to remove his picture from the wall.

Chicago investment tycoon Steve Fossett became the first man ever to circle the globe alone in a hot air balloon Tuesday. He must have felt ambivalent when he landed after a week. His balloon stayed in the air but all his investments crashed.

China test-fired an air-to-air missile which the Pentagon says is a Russian made AA-12 Adder. It's our own fault. We've been trying to sell the Russians on AA ever since Boris Yeltsin broke three bottles trying to reshuffle his cabinet.

Trent Lott on Monday posed with a lava lamp, a Farrah poster, mood rings, and pet rocks to illustrate that the Democrats failed to pass a budget for the first time since 1974. However, pet rocks were 1977, lava lamps were 1969, Farrah was 1976, and mood rings were 1975. Republicans should never bring up 1974 unless they want to remind Americans of the top-selling Halloween mask for thirty straight years.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton