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Jewish World Review April 9, 2003 / 7 Nisan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Augusta Sheriff Ronald Strength won permission from a judge Monday to regulate protesters at the Masters. They include feminists, klansmen and black panthers. If he can keep peace among these groups, he could be named the first Interim Governor of Iraq.

The Air Force dropped four bunker-buster bombs on a suspected Saddam Hussein suburban hideout Monday and left nothing there but a stadium-sized crater. You know what this means. It means Baghdad will have an NFL team before Los Angeles does.

President Bush met Tony Blair in Northern Ireland on Monday. They took their third walk in the woods in three weeks. Naturally al-Jazeera television intercut scenes of them walking in the woods with clips of Bambi's mother going up in flames.

Colin Powell said Monday the rebuilding of Iraq is set to begin. He said the U.S. government is sending a team to Iraq this week. Whether it's the Montreal Expos or the Minnesota Twins is something the president wants to decide personally.

Yankee Stadium canceled opening day Monday due to snow. There's no question that David Wells can stand on the mound and pitch in cold weather. The question is, does a resupply mission from the St. Bernard count as a visit from the manager?

China issued a flu epidemic health advisory on Monday warning women who plan to be traveling through Hong Kong airport not to wear long skirts out of Asia. They say that long skirts pick up germs. You should see what the short ones pick up.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton