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Jewish World Review Dec. 12, 2002 / 7 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Jimmy Carter was given the Nobel Peace Prize in Norway Tuesday. Back in 1979 he held his fire when students in Iran seized American hostages and burned U.S. flags. It's impossible today to describe the degree to which some people hated disco.

Pete Rose met with Commissioner Bud Selig in Milwaukee about being reinstated to baseball. The conditions are very strict. Bud Selig wants Pete Rose to admit that he bet on ballgames and Pete Rose wants a twenty million dollar line of credit.

Bangkok opened the world's first museum honoring the history and cultivation of the poppy. The flower is harvested for the manufacture of heroin and morphine. So this explains why Whitney Houston's birthday is a national holiday in Thailand.

Senator Mary Landrieu is the toast of the Democratic Party after she beat a GOP opponent endorsed in person by President Bush, Dick Cheney and former President Bush. Republicans are at a big disadvantage in New Orleans. You don't pick up many votes pitching honor and dignity in the spiritual home of Girls Gone Wild videos.

President Bush fired his Treasury Secretary and Chief Economic Advisor Friday just three weeks before Christmas. No one's feelings are hurt. Whenever a Republican gets fired from a government job it means he can go back to making real money again.

The CIA translated Saddam's weapons declaration Tuesday by order of President Bush. He wanted to know by Wednesday exactly what it said. After working all night, the CIA handed in a briefing paper predicting the overthrow of Fidel Castro by 1965.

Colin Powell told French television Saddam Hussein is a liar when he denies having weapons of mass destruction. He's also brutal, arrogant and effortlessly dismissive. He runs a school for French waiters that has a three-year waiting list.

Jesse Jackson was back on TV Tuesday as reporters courted him for reaction to Trent Lott's comments. It's a thing of beauty. He was happier than a lawyer sitting in a middle seat on a United flight between a sick smoker and Cardinal Law.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton