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Jewish World Review March 10, 2003 / 6 Adar II, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | CBS' 60 Minutes premiered its weekly debate between Bill Clinton and Bob Dole last night but gave them only ninety seconds to duel. It doesn't seem right to give each of these statesmen only forty-five seconds. Even Saddam Hussein has more time.

Ernie Els braved a war zone to compete in the Dubai Desert Classic this past week. It was a way to stay in shape. A war in the Persian Gulf is a pretty good tune-up for what's waiting for him outside the gates at Augusta National next month.

New Hampshire fought for its first-in-the-nation primary status Friday. They know the candidates well. There won't be a dry eye in Manchester on St. Patrick's Day when John Kerry leads the audience in a chorus of When Jewish Eyes Are Smiling.

Great Britain proposed one final U.N. use-of-force resolution to the Security Council Friday. It orders Saddam Hussein to disarm or face war by March 17th. The date happens to be St. Patrick's Day, so either way British troops will be on full alert.

French U.N. Ambassador Dominique de Villepin pleaded with the U.N. to allow Iraq more time. They are a patient nation. Earlier in the day, an explosion in downtown Paris was seen by the French as further proof that the inspections are working.

Fidel Castro was elected to a sixth term as Cuban president Thursday. He is greatly loved there. Sure he's a brutal dictator, but thanks to Fidel Castro, ninety miles of shark-infested waters separate Elian Gonzalez from Michael Jackson.

An Ohio Congresswoman compared al-Qaeda fighters to Revolutionary War rebels on Thursday. She's right in one case. Big Ben is still standing in London only because Samuel Adams couldn't get a pilot's license for another hundred and forty years.

Pete Rose was reported Thursday to be returning to Major League Baseball on June 1st. He's been publicly branded as a liar, a bully and a reckless gambler. And everybody wondered who could possibly succeed Saddam Hussein as leader of Iraq.

The San Diego Chargers exercised a stadium escape clause on Wednesday to try to move to Los Angeles. There's no local enthusiasm. It's not that people in Los Angeles don't want an NFL team in town, it's just that nobody has time for the jury duty.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton