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Jewish World Review Jan. 31, 2003 / 28 Shevat, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Enron trophy wife Clara Harris is on trial in Houston for killing her husband by running him over three times with her Mercedes. It's riveting. People in Los Angeles followed the testimony closely until they were assured the car was all right.

The Internal Revenue Service announced Monday it will let American taxpayers file their returns online for free. The system has one technical problem. No one can figure out a way to get the shirts off their backs through the telephone lines.

Tony Blair arrives in Washington Friday for a weekend with President Bush at Camp David. It's starting to raise eyebrows. It's great that our countries are this close, but these guys have got to stop meeting in the woods every three months.

President Bush scored a huge hit with the public with his State of the Union speech. He looks unbeatable. Terry McAuliffe just promised that a dozen virgins will greet the Democratic nominee in heaven the day after the 2004 presidential election.

President Bush in his State of the Union said Saddam Hussein has twenty-five thousand liters of anthrax. He certainly fits the profile. The CIA looked up Saddam Hussein's personal job history and sure enough, he started out in the mailroom.

Ted Kennedy demanded on the Senate floor Wednesday that the president obtain Senate approval for a war on Iraq. John McCain replied that the Senate already voted its approval in October and the argument is over. It's always embarrassing when somebody has to remind Teddy that he's been sleeping through the debates again.

Joe Millionaire learned Wednesday that one of the three women finalists is a kinky porno star. He is a male underwear model. This is more than a reality show, it's what happens when the boy next door falls for the girl next door in West Hollywood.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton