Jewish World Review March 27, 2003 / 23 Adar II, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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The Smithsonian will showcase the Bob Hope
political joke collection for his centennial in May. He
donated ten thousand radio scripts and monologues
to the national museum. Over the years, only the
voters have sent more jokes to Washington.
The Oklahoma Senate will debate a bill Thursday to
create a voter-approved statewide lottery in an
attempt to raise money for education. Lottery prizes
are getting out of hand. First prize in the
Massachusetts lottery is Rhode Island.
New York Yankee David Wells refused to pose for
Sports Illustrated with his team Tuesday. He just
wrote a book about his drinking exploits. David
Wells is merely the latest example that Yankee
Stadium is the Halfway House that Ruth Built.
Pete Rose wasn't allowed to attend Monday's
Cincinnati Reds home opener by his new business
manager. Here's a guy with his work cut out for him.
Pete Rose was last spotted at the ATM asking the
machine if it wanted to go double or nothing.
New Orleans is hosting the Final Four of the NCAA
basketball tournament next week. It should be very
patriotic. Due to world tension, fans will refuse to
say they got drunk in the French Quarter, they will
only admit to getting Freedom Fried.
Operation Iraqi Freedom doubled the pizza home
delivery business in America last week. The whole
country is addicted to watching war coverage on the
couch. Domino's is now promising to deliver your
pizza within thirty sorties or it's free.
U.S. troops captured Iraqis in Nasiriya Tuesday and
tied their wrists with duct tape. This was ingenious.
They've only been in Iraq for a week and already
they've found the only way duct tape will prevent a
chemical attack from killing everybody.
Baghdad was helped by desert windstorms and
heavy thunderstorms and sleet up in the north on
Tuesday. It was a meteorological freak show. The
weather vanes were spinning like Senator John
Kerry whenever Passover falls on St. Patrick's Day.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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