Jewish World Review June 25, 2003 / 25 Sivan, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix sold at the rate
of one book every eight seconds Sunday. Last week, Hillary
Clinton's memoir was the top seller. The Weather Channel blames
all the sudden interest in witchcraft on the Summer Solstice.
Prince William's birthday party was crashed Saturday by some
guy who dressed up as Osama bin Laden. The entire Windsor family
was there in the ballroom. Had the gatecrasher been a suicide
bomber, Elton John would be the next Queen of England.
Scotland Yard apologized Sunday for allowing an Osama bin
Laden impersonator into William's party. He even made it on stage.
He was pulled away from the microphone before he could say that he
just flew into Big Ben and boy, are his arms tired.
Arizona battled Sunday to contain a blaze which burned
hundreds of homes and changed many vacation plans. Campers will be
nervous for a long time. It would take a joint appearance by Bill
and Hillary Clinton to convince them that the fire is really out.
Ted Kennedy stunned Democrats by backing a White House plan
for prescription medicine benefits in Medicare. The plan is a
major breakthrough. Until now, the only way to get free drugs in
America was to wear a really short skirt to a party.
Max Factor heir and captured date rape drugger Andrew Luster
left behind his diary in Mexico last week. It included his
favorite pick-up lines. Never trust a man who comes up next to
your drink and asks you if that's a Martian outside the window.
NASA launched a Mars Rover last week to search for water on
the Red Planet. The surface atmosphere is eerie. Only downtown
businesses that have ever experienced a Wal-Mart opening on the
edge of town can describe the loneliness and the quiet.
The Eiffel Tower in Paris was restored on Friday to full
night lighting with the addition of twenty thousand high-wattage
light bulbs. It's part of a plan to lure U.S. tourists. Whatever
made the French think that Americans don't like dim bulbs?
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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