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Jewish World Review June 12, 2003 / 12 Sivan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Queen Nefertiti's mummy was found in Egypt Monday. Her mouth had been smashed by priests to keep her from eating or breathing in the afterlife. It's evidence that First Ladies who went into politics didn't poll well in the ancient world either.

Hillary Clinton was asked by Larry King Tuesday night to explain her reasons for staying with her husband. She said every marriage has its trials. That's very modest but their marriage is the only one that has its trials in the U.S. Senate.

Afghanistan stated Monday it will participate in the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens. The IOC is bending over backwards for them. To make sure the Afghans get to take home the gold in something, heroin production will be a demonstration sport.

The Mars Rover took off from Cape Canaveral Tuesday and will land on the Red Planet in seven months. The expedition is a waste of money. Why do we want to find life on Mars when more aliens will only mean longer lines at airport security?

ImClone CEO Sam Waksal got seven years in prison Tuesday just as his wonder drug Erbitux was getting good test results in Europe. The feds are determined to crack down on selfish, evil businessmen. It's not like the guy was trying to cure cancer.

Syracuse handyman John Jamelske pleaded guilty to holding five women as sex slaves in a dungeon. It's so sad. Maybe if he wasn't 68 years old and afraid of technology, he could have played this game on the computer like everybody else does.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton