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Jewish World Review Nov. 7, 2002 / 2 Kislev, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Voter News Service said Tuesday morning their exit polling was unreliable. So news anchors had to wait up all night for actual vote counts. The bags under Dan Rather's eyes were so big Winona Ryder could have fit her spring wardrobe into them.

The Republican Party took control of the U.S. Senate Tuesday and even gained House seats. The rout was complete. At ten o'clock on Wednesday morning, NBC announced that Martin Sheen will be replaced on the West Wing by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Arkansas GOP Senator Tim Hutchinson was thrown out of office Tuesday night after he had dumped his wife back in Arkansas and married his office assistant in Washington. It was quite an upset. Adultery is now batting five hundred in Arkansas.

Nevada voters refused to legalize marijuana on Tuesday while Arizona refused to downgrade pot to a citation. The measures had no chance. The problem is, the polls closed at seven o'clock and the initiatives' supporters don't get up until eight.

Republican Mitt Romney was elected governor of Massachusetts on Tuesday. The state's population is less Democratic and more Republican than in the past. All those Kennedy victory parties over the years took their gradual but inevitable toll.

Democrat Jay Rockefeller was re-elected U.S. Senator from West Virginia. He had no shortage of cash.

When he was a little boy and he played with his blocks, his blocks were Fifth Avenue between 52nd Street and Central Park West.

Jennifer Granholm of Michigan became the first governor who ever appeared on the Dating Game. She can't run for president because she was born in Canada. Anyway, the last thing the country needed was another president from the Dating Game.

Democrat Gary Hart said Tuesday he is considering entering the New Hampshire presidential primary in 2004. It represents a definite upgrade in sex scandals. Gary Hart gets caught with women who wouldn't give Bill Clinton the time of day.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton