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Jewish World Review Oct. 2, 2002 / 26 Tishrei, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Democrats urged Hawaii voters to re-elect Patsy Mink to the House next month even though she just died. There's no figuring out Democrats. They'll put a dead Mink on a ballot but they'll throw paint on you if you wear one on your shoulders.

President Bush spent Monday in closed session with Don Rumsfeld at the White House. They huddled for six hours. No one will say what they were working on, but you can bet it wasn't their acceptance speech for next year's Nobel Peace Prize.

Saddam Hussein called for national elections October 15th so he can say that he's an elected leader. He's the only name on the ballot and people who vote against him could be shot. This is like a New Jersey Senate race without the TV ads.

Senator Bob Torricelli asked a court to remove his name from the ballot this November. The New Jersey voters are angry and disappointed in him. He took cash under the table and they just found out the table was built by non-union carpenters.

Congress agreed Monday to construct an $8 million rest home in Louisiana for retired chimpanzees. It will house chimps no longer working in medical science or show business. Over the years only the voters have sent more Bonzos into retirement.

House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt hosted a Hollywood fundraiser Sunday and raised $6 million to help the Democrats take back the House. Losing the house is not that uncommon here in Los Angeles. It's the price of getting a younger wife.



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© 2002, Argus Hamilton