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Jewish World Review April 28, 2003 / 26 Nisan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Tony Blair secretly met Bill Clinton at his English country house just after he met President Bush at Camp David in Maryland. What's wrong with them? Golf was invented so white guys could walk in the woods together without people talking.

Southwest Airlines fired two pilots Friday for taking off all their clothes in the cockpit. They spilled coffee on each other, stripped to their underwear, and called for a stewardess. The first few days of sobriety are always the toughest.

Saddam Hussein's longtime spokesman Tariq Aziz surrendered to U.S. authorities Thursday. He was an institution. Tariq Aziz was accusing U.S. presidents of naked aggression when Paula Jones was still selling Girl Scout cookies in Conway, Arkansas.

Dick Gephardt called on his Democratic Party rivals for the presidency Friday to propose health care plans of their own. The plan he introduced last week is like one of those hospital gowns that tie in the back. You only think you're covered.

The Agriculture Department predicted Friday that high beef prices will start to come down soon. The reason is simple. There's going to be an unusually large cattle slaughter next year, assuming the usual amount of Democrats run for president.

U.S. troops found a billion in U.S. currency stashed in Baghdad homes last week. You never know what to expect. We knew there would be house-to-house fighting in Baghdad, but we didn't know that it would be over whether or not to report the cash.

Jay Garner said Friday Iraq will get a democratic government soon. They must break old habits. Otherwise it's like the Australian Bushman who was given a brand-new boomerang and spent the rest of his life trying to throw the old one away.

North Korea issued a startling admission at Asian peace talks last week. They said they have nuclear missiles that can reach the West Coast. Let's hope it's reported on Entertainment Tonight or California might never get the warning in time.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland suffered federal budget cutbacks Friday. It's sad. They lost an education program that teaches young people about rock and roll culture and which antibiotics are the most effective treatment for it.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton