Jewish World Review April 28, 2003 / 26 Nisan, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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Tony Blair secretly met Bill Clinton at his English country
house just after he met President Bush at Camp David in Maryland.
What's wrong with them? Golf was invented so white guys could walk
in the woods together without people talking.
Southwest Airlines fired two pilots Friday for taking off
all their clothes in the cockpit. They spilled coffee on each
other, stripped to their underwear, and called for a stewardess.
The first few days of sobriety are always the toughest.
Saddam Hussein's longtime spokesman Tariq Aziz surrendered
to U.S. authorities Thursday. He was an institution. Tariq Aziz
was accusing U.S. presidents of naked aggression when Paula Jones
was still selling Girl Scout cookies in Conway, Arkansas.
Dick Gephardt called on his Democratic Party rivals for the
presidency Friday to propose health care plans of their own. The
plan he introduced last week is like one of those hospital gowns
that tie in the back. You only think you're covered.
The Agriculture Department predicted Friday that high beef
prices will start to come down soon. The reason is simple. There's
going to be an unusually large cattle slaughter next year,
assuming the usual amount of Democrats run for president.
U.S. troops found a billion in U.S. currency stashed in
Baghdad homes last week. You never know what to expect. We knew
there would be house-to-house fighting in Baghdad, but we didn't
know that it would be over whether or not to report the cash.
Jay Garner said Friday Iraq will get a democratic government
soon. They must break old habits. Otherwise it's like the
Australian Bushman who was given a brand-new boomerang and spent
the rest of his life trying to throw the old one away.
North Korea issued a startling admission at Asian peace
talks last week. They said they have nuclear missiles that can
reach the West Coast. Let's hope it's reported on Entertainment
Tonight or California might never get the warning in time.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland suffered federal
budget cutbacks Friday. It's sad. They lost an education program
that teaches young people about rock and roll culture and which
antibiotics are the most effective treatment for it.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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