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Jewish World Review Oct. 24, 2002 / 18 Mar-Cheshvan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Washington D.C. is the site this weekend for the largest planned peace protest since the Vietnam War ended. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton plan to lead the march. They sincerely believe the sniper would never kill a fellow publicity hound.

Chinese President Jiang Zemin landed in America Tuesday in Chicago. It was a thrill for him. He's on his way to see President Bush in Texas, but like pilgrims going to Mecca, dictators who rig elections simply must see Chicago before they die.

Frank Lautenberg leads his GOP challenger in the latest New Jersey poll. At age seventy-eight, the three-term former senator has become the heavy favorite among women. All you need today is a solvent pension plan and you're a chick magnet.

San Francisco hosted the World Series Tuesday, providing a totally different climate for baseball. This time of year, Arctic winds sweep off the ocean over the ballpark. There never was a better time to compare Barry Bonds to Ted Williams.

The Betty Ford Center celebrated its 20th anniversary Saturday night in Palm Desert. The secret to their success is their ability to change with the times. Last year, the Dallas Cowboys dormitory was re-assigned to the airline pilots' union.

President Bush hammered on two themes on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania and Maine Tuesday. He wants to finish off Saddam Hussein and bring the economy out of recession. It is only natural for a son to try be more successful than his father.

Saddam Hussein amazed the world Sunday by pardoning every single prisoner in Iraq. Not everyone's happy about the amnesty. It threw all the jailers and guards out of work, not to mention the dictator's favorite comedian, Cedric the Executioner.

New York Governor George Pataki and Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced an $11 million makeover for the Harlem waterfront Tuesday. They call it the West Harlem Master Plan. It sounds like a song they can no longer sing before the Kentucky Derby.

Pfizer Pharmaceuticals filed patent infringement suits Tuesday against five companies about to introduce rivals to Viagra. You don't want the drug to be too inexpensive. One guy accidentally fed Viagra to his pet snake and now it's a cane.

Al Gore announced Tuesday he will give an interview to Barbara Walters three weeks from tonight. The interview will appear on ABC's 20/20. The show would have been 23/20 in Al's favor if Ralph Nader hadn't have butted into the interview.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton