Jewish World Review July 14, 2003 / 14 Tamuz, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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The Los Angeles Lakers signed Karl Malone for the league
minimum salary last week. Everyone's excited. With an accused
rapist joined by an underpaid mailman, Los Angeles is just a
Heisman trophy away from hosting the next Trial of the Century.
Wal-Mart opened its first store in Beijing Friday. Under
communism there was only one store where everyone had to shop.
Under free enterprise, it takes five or six years for Wal-Mart to
drive everyone out of business and achieve that status.
CIA Director George Tenet took the blame Friday for
inaccurate intelligence on Iraq in the president's State of the
Union. It's no surprise. Somebody had to take the fall and it
might as well be an Arab-American appointed by Bill Clinton.
Bill Clinton spoke at the Progressive Governance Conference
in London Friday night. They had a lavish banquet. The dessert was
described as an ensemble of exotic fruits, which even in London
enjoys the full protection of the U.S. Supreme Court.
The Transportation Security Agency said Friday that
passengers will no longer be required to take off their shoes at
airports. It's no secret why. Now that the scanners can see
completely through clothes, no one wants to look at your feet.
Cleveland Cavalier LeBron James signed the richest Nike
contract in history on Friday. This kind of money requires street
credibility. Maybe that's why Kobe Bryant's defense attorney just
got a twenty million dollar shoe deal with Cole Haan.
Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn't commit Friday to a run for
California governor. He's led an interesting life. For him a
death-defying adventure isn't Terminator 3, it is knowing that
Democrats dug up less dirt when they built the San Diego Freeway.
Monty Hall was inducted into the Order of Manitoba by fellow
Canadians and he endorsed Joe Lieberman. How insane is this?
Marijuana isn't legal in Canada for two days and already they
think Joe Lieberman has a chance to be elected president.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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