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Jewish World Review Oct. 17, 2002 / 11 Mar-Cheshvan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The San Francisco Giants and Anaheim Angels reached the World Series Monday as playoff wild card teams. It should make for great comedy. Bill and Hillary were waving good-bye to Little Rock the last time two wild cards made it to the top.

Winona Ryder's shoplifting trial in Beverly Hills was postponed Tuesday. She wasn't too bright to go shoplifting while high on painkillers. Her hands put the clothes in the bag so slowly the security video looks like it was directed by Sam Peckinpaugh.

Saddam Hussein was honored with street celebrations in Baghdad Tuesday after he breezed to re-election to a new term as President of Iraq. This man is loaded with executive ability. He's also the general manager of the world's largest Target.

Baghdad TV inundated viewers Monday with careful instructions on how to vote for president. A gigantic plurality was expected for the dictator. What do you expect when the only two choices on the ballot are Saddam Hussein and Jack Kevorkian?

Al Gore barnstormed throughout Iowa on Tuesday for Democrats. He told crowds that he knows how angry they still are over what happened to him in Florida. They cheered and cheered, and none of them could get over how much Elian has grown.

The Supreme Court agreed to rule whether HMOs can be sued under racketeering laws. They fix prices, they restrain trade, and if you don't pay, they re-break your leg. How much longer will HMOs be allowed to march in the Columbus Day Parade?

Wall Street bulls roared Tuesday as the Dow Jones soared a thousand points in four straight trading sessions. There's no secret to the turnaround. Ever since they began flashing that Rally Monkey on the Big Board, things have been looking up.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton