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Jewish World Review Sept. 27, 2002 / 21 Tishrei, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Big Brother 3 concluded on CBS Wednesday and drew huge viewer ratings. Game shows are popular all over the world. Who Wants to Be a Collaborator just premiered on Baghdad Television Network and witnesses say there were no survivors.

Congress voted to pay back-dues owed the United Nations. This money comes at a perfect time. Now that President Bush has decided to dispense with the United Nations, they have the time to go on that cruise they have always dreamed of taking.

President Bush hosted NCAA championship teams at the White House Tuesday. He posed for pictures with them. Tom Daschle rushed to the Senate floor and said he was outraged and offended that President Bush would politicize women's softball.

Tom Daschle said he's outraged and offended by President Bush's suggestion that Senate Democrats don't care about national security. He demanded an apology from the president. Five minutes later, Bill Clinton called and said he feels truly remorseful but his private life is still nobody's business.

Don Rumsfeld snubbed German Defense Minister Peter Struck at the NATO summit on Monday. It's because Germany accused the United States of being too warlike. That's like Mike Tyson telling you it's time to get in touch with your Inner Child.

Michael Jordan hinted Monday he will play one more season for the Washington Wizards but mostly as an outside shooter. It's no fun being Air Jordan anymore. Every time he takes off for the basket, he has to remember to lock the cockpit door.

Kentucky Governor Paul Patton was busted for adultery with a woman who is suing him for sexual harassment. He said he's rethinking his future in politics. If a man can't have an affair and be forgiven, what's the point of being a Democrat?



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton