Jewish World Review Oct. 18, 2002 / 12 Mar-Cheshvan, 5763
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Washington Post gave tips on ways to stay safe from the sniper. They say to walk briskly in a zigzag pattern. It's a good idea, but now no one can tell which pilots are drunk and which ones are sober when they walk into Reagan National Airport.
The San Francisco Giants will face the Anaheim Angels in the World Series. One city pays for city workers' sex-change operations while the other city has the Nixon Library. Either team could have asked J. Edgar Hoover to throw out the first pitch.
China's President Jiang Zemin will visit the president at the Crawford ranch Tuesday. He has survived World War II, the Chinese Civil War and the Cultural Revolution. He has prepared all his life to experience Texas during football season.
Saddam Hussein was re-elected Iraqi president Tuesday in a cliffhanger. With 100 percent of the precincts reporting in, he received 100 percent of the votes from a 100 percent voter turnout. He has just been named Sexiest Man Alive by the Chicago Democratic Party.
Iraqi demonstrators danced in the streets of Baghdad Wednesday to rejoice in the victory of their ruthless dictator. He left no room for error. His minions stayed up all night before the election pulling the wings off the butterfly ballots.
Arthur Andersen was sentenced Tuesday for shredding Enron documents. The accounting firm was fined five hundred thousand dollars for abetting a scheme that netted hundreds of millions of dollars. Hopefully they have learned that crime doesn't pay.
The Senate passed an election reform bill Tuesday that pays for touchscreen voting machines. Only the two New York senators voted against it. New York just cleaned up Times Square and the last thing they need are video booths with curtains.
The Senate passed the Help America Vote Act Wednesday that sends billions of dollars to local election boards. It really helps. Broward County can now afford to hire Winona Ryder to pick up a few extra votes for Bill McBride in South Florida.