Jewish World Review Jan. 13, 2003 / 10 Shevat, 5763
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Bobby Knight was described by George Steinbrenner Tuesday as a great leader of men. He screams, throws things and threatens people until he gets what he wants. Bobby Knight has, what they like to call in North Korea, good people skills.
Giants Stadium may sue the NFL for lost playoff revenues due to an incorrect referee ruling at the end of its last game. The whole world saw it. The league's only hope is to hire Johnny Cochran to convince a jury that the game never happened.
Los Angeles was placed under a chicken quarantine to avoid Exotic Newcastle Disease. Its fame is spreading rapidly. No one wants to say it's lethal, but Colonel Sanders was just indicted as an accessory in the Robert Blake murder case.
California Governor Gray Davis gave his State of the State speech Thursday. His speechwriter stole portions from a Bill Clinton State of the Union address. Ten minutes after the speech ended, six women hit on Governor Davis and the deficit disappeared.
Canada demanded Hillary Clinton apologize for speculating Canada had terror cells that sneaked five operatives over the border. Canada and Hillary shouldn't be fighting. Someone could get hurt and neither one has a decent health care plan.
Gary Hart hinted to a horde of reporters in Washington Friday that he might run for president once again. He's not worried about attacks by the press. His lawyers advised him that the Endangered Species Act protects the Colorado Grey Wolf.
The Pentagon announced Friday it's begun psychological warfare against Iraq. They're sending e-mails to Iraqi generals. It could be the first time in history that war was averted by an offer of low mortgage rates and Viagra without a prescription.
Bill Richardson met with North Koreans in New Mexico Friday. He revealed that the secret to his negotiating skill is that he shows everyone genuine respect. Rodney Dangerfield met him backstage one night and wound up having to change his entire act.
Dallas Fort Worth Airport closed Friday after a man refused to open his travel bag and ran off unscreened. The delay left travelers seething. By next election, candidates will be campaigning to legalize drugs just to expedite baggage handling.
Pakistan denounced America's new policy requiring visitors from Arab nations to be fingerprinted and registered. Our way of life puzzles Mideast visitors. They watch Joe Millionaire on Monday nights and wonder why he doesn't just marry them all.
North Korea asked Bill Richardson to be its back-channel negotiator with the United States on Thursday. They understand each other. North Koreans subsist on horsemeat and grass and Bill Richardson has been on the Atkins Diet for seven years.
Tony Blair and Colin Powell said Thursday war with Iraq isn't imminent. They explained that the January 27th deadline for Saddam to cooperate with the U.N. is just a date. The things some guys will say to get a reality show on the Fox Network.
The London Times said Bill Clinton is being considered as the new Chancellor at Oxford University. They believe he would be a great fundraiser. The butler will have an earful for us all when he starts selling nights in the Queen's Bedroom.