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Jewish World Review July 1, 2002 / 21 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Xerox admitted Thursday that it made $2 billion less in revenue than it told both investors and the SEC. People were absolutely shocked. When you manufacture the greatest color copier in the world, your company should never run short of cash.

Martha Stewart's broker offered Friday to testify in exchange for immunity. He could nail her for lying to the FBI. The only way Martha Stewart can escape the FBI now is to learn Arabic and tell everyone about the hijacking she's planning.

Al and Tipper Gore purchased a $2.3 million home in the Nashville suburb of Belle Meade on Friday. Their new home is a sprawling white colonial mansion on a hill overlooking acres of magnolia trees. This is just an opinion, but that's a strange- looking house to buy if your election depends on the support of black voters.

Robert Blake was denied bail Thursday by Judge Lloyd Nash of the Los Angeles Superior Court. It's a threefold procedure. Robert Blake is not allowed out until he agrees to stay inside the county, wear a monitoring device and read the judge's screenplay.

Millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett crossed the Andes Mountains in his hot air balloon Thursday. Hours later, he reported seeing a South Atlantic Ocean as calm as glass. The Weather Channel reports there's still no groundswell for Al Gore.

Congress stood on the front steps of the U.S. Capitol Wednesday and recited the Pledge of Allegiance in defiance of a court ruling. What else would you expect? The moment something is declared illegal, you can't keep Baby Boomers from doing it.

The U.S. Appeals Court stayed its order banning the Pledge of Allegiance out West. It's murky. Until the court makes up its mind, California has instructed all teachers to begin each schoolday by leading the class in the singing of YMCA.

The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that chaining prisoners to a post in Alabama is cruel and unusual punishment. The ruling was limited. This doesn't affect San Francisco, where chaining men to a post is two hundred dollars an hour plus drinks.

Florida's attorney general is prosecuting Miss Cleo for charging callers $5 per minute to speak to telephone solicitors posing as psychics. She offers a good deal. Merrill Lynch charges $50 plus a percentage for essentially the same service.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton