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Jewish World Review March 25, 2003 / 21 Adar II, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Tiger Woods won the Bay Hill Classic for the fourth time Sunday. Turnout was huge. Forty thousand people braved a rainstorm to watch the final round, just in case Saddam Hussein doubts the resolve of the Anglo-Saxons to see things through.

The Academy Awards went off fairly smoothly Sunday night. The producers tried everything to keep it non-political. Thanks to the backstage make-up artist, not only did the stars look good, but that Crazy Glue lip gloss probably saved two dozen careers.

Documentary filmmaker Michael Moore was booed during his rant against President Bush at the Oscars. He got some support. Afterwards, Roman Polanski called from Paris and offered him a place to crash until he's able to find something permanent.

Iraqi conscripts surrendered to U.S. Marines at a bridge on the Euphrates River Sunday. Many of them were driving sheep and carrying goats under their arms. Now we know why they say the privileged elite in that country belongs to the Bath Party.

Iraqi resistance toughened Sunday as allied troops got closer to Baghdad. It made for gripping television. Fox announced that this fall, twenty women will have to shoot their way past the British Royal Marines in order to meet The Bachelor.

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