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Jewish World Review March 21, 2003 / 17 Adar II, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Senator Robert Byrd stood in the Senate Wednesday and said the war makes him weep a river of tears for his country. He thinks he's a poet. If voters ever run him out of office he wants the world to know could write songs for the Dixie Chicks.

President Bush ordered an early-morning bombing raid on Baghdad Thursday. It was quite a learning experience for Saddam Hussein. He will remember the CIA is listening the next time he asks the palace operator for a five o'clock wake-up call.

President Bush said Wednesday one goal is to minimize Iraqi army casualties. He's dropped millions of leaflets showing them how to surrender. Now every city council in California wants President Bush arrested as a war criminal for littering.

Iraqi soldiers crossed over the border into Kuwait and surrendered before the war started Wednesday. Advertising makes it happen. The wind was blowing in so hard out of the northeast that Baghdad's morning paper was the Paris Herald Tribune.

President Bush saluted the bravery and skill of the U.S. military Wednesday. He said no half measures will be used and no outcome will be accepted except victory. It's only natural for a son to want to be more successful than his father.

Los Angeles police were given special chemical suits to wear Oscar night. No detail goes unnoticed. They're very sensitive to the risks of chemical attacks ever since John Belushi flew headfirst into the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in 1980.

The Academy Awards said Wednesday that Oscar night might be postponed. What a logistical nightmare. Three thousand VIPs have cleared their calendars, made their travel plans and timed their botox injections to peak at seven o'clock Sunday night.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton