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Jewish World Review Oct. 23, 2002 / 17 Mar-Cheshvan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Maryland police stormed a white van believed to contain the Maryland sniper Monday. It turned out to contain illegal immigrants from Guatemala. They were detained, fingerprinted, registered to vote in Los Angeles County and then deported.

The Anaheim Angels came from behind on Sunday to even the World Series. Five months ago, nobody thought they would live to see October. Martha Stewart walked into her lawyer's office this morning carrying a Rally Monkey and two thundersticks.

Lord Robertson arrived in Washington Monday to discuss new NATO members. It's an exclusive club. NATO was originally restricted to the U.S. and Western Europe, but today it's open to any country whose army doesn't take the month off for Ramadan.

Barbra Streisand issued Democratic Party truth alerts on her Web site last week in which she identified Saddam Hussein as president of Iran, misquoted Shakespeare and misspelled Dick Gephardt. It's cosmic. In a stunning example of the law of universal compensation, Dan Quayle is free to tell Barbra Streisand jokes.

New York Democrats warned Bill Clinton Monday that governor candidate Carl McCall is running so far behind in the polls that Election Day could be a national humiliation for all New York Democrats. It's bad news for Republicans in the long run. Every time Hillary Clinton gets nationally humiliated, she moves up one office.

Andy Rooney refused to apologize Sunday for belittling women reporters who work sidelines at NFL games. Reaction was swift. He was vilified by women's groups, ripped by the media and awarded a lifetime membership at Augusta National Golf Club.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton