Jewish World Review July 29, 2003 / 29 Tamuz, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
Toronto Raptors star Vince Carter replaced Kobe Bryant on
the U.S. Olympic team Friday. The organizing committee said Kobe
Bryant is recovering from knee and shoulder injuries. Orthopedic
surgeons say four weeks ago, he pulled a Bill Clinton.
Pete Rose sold his autograph to baseball fans at the Hall of
Fame weekend in Cooperstown on Sunday. He's forced to keep
churning money. The night before, Pete Rose lost fourteen thousand
dollars at the movie theater betting against Seabiscuit.
The Dallas Cowboys began training camp in Texas Friday under
new coach Bill Parcells. It's tough staying in shape. Late in the
afternoon, Jerry Jones had to be carried off the practice field on
a stretcher with crow's feet around the eyes.
California joined other western states Thursday with raging
brushfires which broke out in Agua Dolce. Investigators say the
blaze was started by a spontaneous combustion in a manure pile.
The California recall election is off to a roaring start.
Newsweek profiled Howard Dean and it turns out he's an
Eastern establishment thoroughbred. However, Republicans have
discovered he comes from a mixed marriage. His father's side
founded Smith Barney and his mother's side founded Merrill Lynch.
U.S. troops searched the house where Uday and Qusay were
killed Tuesday. They found $100 million in cash, cologne, clean
underwear and a supply of Viagra. Apparently, just before the
brothers died, they sent away for the Donald Trump Starter Kit.
The Pentagon put Uday and Qusay on public display in a
morgue Friday for all to see. The faces were heavily reconstructed
with putty and wax. The Iraqis took one look and wondered why U.S.
troops would go to all that trouble just to kill Cher.
The Japanese Parliament had a huge fistfight between
lawmakers on the floor of the House on Friday. It pretty much
summed up everything. Three noses were broken and two spleens were
ruptured debating whether to send peacekeepers to Iraq.
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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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