Jewish World Review May 16, 2002 / 5 Sivan, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Attack of the Clones which opens today is the second of three Star Wars prequels. They show how Darth Vader turns evil thanks to Darth Sidious and Darth Maul. In the last movie, the universe is swallowed up by the greatest villain of all, Waul Mart.
Spider-Man astounded the financial world Monday with its all-time record box-office total. In ten days, the movie made $200 million for Sony Studios. It's the most money anyone made last week without a tractor and a senator's home phone number.
Jimmy Carter said Monday he saw no evidence that Cuba makes biological weapons. Last year he saw no evidence North Korea makes nuclear weapons. It doesn't look dignified when a former president campaigns that openly to be Archbishop of Boston.
Secretary of State Colin Powell backtracked Monday and admitted that Cuba is not exporting biological weapons, but does have the capacity to export biological weapons. In fact, Cuba has no exports. Even their six-year-olds bounce back to them.
Jimmy Carter visited a democratic resistance movement headquarters in Cuba Monday. The activists gather signatures on petitions that demand free elections, free press, and free speech. The heading on every petition reads, Last Will and Testament.
President Bush signed the Farm Bill into law on Monday. It doles out $190 billion over ten years. The farmers don't want a hand-out, they only want enough money from the government to maintain their sense of frontier independence and rugged individualism.
Two San Bernadino grade-school boys took a tractor for a joyride Sunday and wrecked a dozen cars. They caused $200,000 in damage. Unfortunately, under the Farm Bill just signed by President Bush, they do not get a dime unless they stop growing.
The Washington Times reports new threats of terror attacks against nuclear plants on July 4th. The question is where. From the latest FBI profiling, the best idea is to figure out which nuclear plants form a Smiley Face on the map and double the guard there.
Yasser Arafat lashed out at the Likud party vote Monday which vowed never to recognize a Palestinian state. He declared that anyone who doesn't accept a Palestinian state may drink from the Dead Sea. The Likud party's official response was unprintable, but it involves specific instructions for both Arafat and the camel he rode in on.
The New York Daily News said Monday that Bill Clinton still owes his lawyers over three million dollars. The former president owes a million to Robert Bennett, and a million to David Kendall, and he hasn't paid a dime in over a year. Now we know who ran over his dog.