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Jewish World Review June 26, 2002 / 16 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush announced his plan for Middle East peace Monday. He supported a state for the Palestinians, but they have to renounce terrorism and get rid of Yasser Arafat. That's a but big enough to cause a double fare on Southwest Airlines.

Yasser Arafat issued a statement on Monday saying he thinks President Bush's speech was a serious effort for Mideast peace and he welcomes it. It sounds like he didn't hear it. Apparently, all his translators have been hired away by the FBI.

Syria's Imad Shueibi said Monday that President Bush's speech was the worst speech in the history of U.S.-Arab relations. It's all so sad. Just once in his lifetime, George W. Bush would like somebody to tell him what a nice speech he gave.

Secretary of Transportation Norman Mineta met Monday with Amtrak's Board of Directors to try to avoid a shutdown. The railroad loses two dollars for every dollar it takes in. It's easily the best-performing company on the NASDAQ this year.

Afghan president Hamid Karzai swore in his new cabinet Monday. He's filled every cabinet post but the Minister for Women's Affairs. He's waiting to hear if it's constitutional for Reverend Jesse Jackson to hold the post in two countries.

Zimbabwe Monday completed the seizure of 3,000 white-owned farms and gave them to squatters. The outrage is just beginning. International observers carefully checked the land records and, wouldn't you know, Martha Stewart got out just in time.

Florida Marlin Luis Castillo had his consecutive game hitting streak ended at thirty-five Saturday night. He combines tremendous speed with an excellent batting eye. In the last month, he's had more hits than Anna Kournikova's web site.

The New York Times said Monday that Senator Hillary Clinton has almost finished writing her memoirs, however, her husband's autobiography is way behind schedule. They work well together. Yesterday they were in the den typing away and she asked him if skirt chaser is one word or two and he asked her if ice queen was hyphenated.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton