Jewish World Review March 4, 2003 / 30 Adar I, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
Tiger Woods withdrew Sunday from this week's Dubai World
Golf Championship in the Persian Gulf kingdom due to imminent war
in the region. He's not afraid of live fire. Tiger Woods plays in
the Bob Hope Desert Classic every year with Jerry Ford.
The Ku Klux Klan said it will demonstrate at the Masters in
favor of Augusta National's all-male membership policy. This only
spells trouble. If John Daly falls off the wagon, he could come
back to the hotel three hundred sheets to the wind.
Democrat Howard Dean is catching fire in Iowa with his anti-
war speeches. He admits Saddam is evil but insists that
containment is the answer. Until now, nobody thought of sealing
the entire nation of Iraq in plastic sheeting and duct tape.
Pakistan witnessed anti-war riots in Karachi Sunday while
Turkey's parliament banned U.S. troops. Tony Blair faces a revolt
for backing the United States, which is currently downplaying
nuclear war with North Korea. Why do you think they call it March
Madness?
Turkey's parliament refused Saturday to allow U.S. troops to
attack Iraq from Turkish soil. The U.S. resumed negotiating
furiously. The difference between the government of Turkey and the
Bluebird of Happiness is that money can't buy happiness.
Pope John Paul II sent an envoy to the White House to plead
for more time for Saddam to disarm. Some people never learn.
Allowing people a little more time to clean up their acts is
what's costing the church its real estate holdings in Boston.
Fidel Castro offered to mediate the nuclear stand-off
between North Korea and the U.S. He's very concerned. He didn't
take steroids for forty years to watch North Korea knock the Cuban
Missile Crisis out of the record book for closest all-time call.
The U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco
banned schoolchildren in nine western states from reciting the
pledge of allegiance. There's something in the air up there. You
know you live in San Francisco if you can't remember if pot is
illegal.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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