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Jewish World Review Jan. 9, 2003 / 6 Shevat, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | United Airlines pilots voted themselves a pay cut on Tuesday to try to rescue the struggling carrier. The unions have been greatly weakened. The pilots agreed to a cut in pay, a reduction in benefits, and a switch to light beer in the cockpit.

Fairfax County officials in Virginia will review the recent alcohol crackdown by police. Cops went into bars and arrested people for drinking too much. Some people won't be satisfied until every aspect of Southern culture is stamped out.

Al-Qaeda issued a statement Monday urging Muslims to kill Americans at every opportunity. Just how dangerous is the Middle East? Saddam Hussein is a ruthless tyrant who's sworn to fight us to the death, and he's our best friend in the region.

The Pentagon reported Tuesday that the Iraqi military set up a two-layer defense perimeter around Baghdad. The locals are truly terrified. It just takes a rumor that a Wal-Mart is moving in and a ring of tanks goes up around the downtown business district.

President Bush said bringing back the military draft is not wise. Doesn't he know it. It would be a fitting end for the guy who promised to bring honor and dignity to the White House to be the president who brought back the Free Love Movement.

House Republicans softened their ethics rules Tuesday. Now they can receive free travel from charities and free food from lobbyists. There's just no end to the number of Americans who want to tell Congress to either get lost or get stuffed.

President Bush renominated Judge Charles Pickering to the United States Court of Appeals on Tuesday. He is a distinguished conservative jurist from Laurel, Mississippi. Already Democrats are accusing him of coming from an all-white family.

John McCain said Monday he will make global warming a battleground issue with the White House for the next two years. He's doing the right thing. It's part of his program as a member of Napalmers Anonymous to make amends wherever possible.

The NFL apologized to the New York Giants for missing a call on a field goal try to end Sunday's game. The referee completely blew it. The next day, Hillary Clinton did all she could to extend his unemployment benefits another thirteen weeks.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton