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Jewish World Review April 7, 2003 / 5 Nisan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Tony Blair meets President Bush for war talks today in Northern Ireland. The six-county nation has a very special connection to America. They built a statue of Bill Clinton in the town of Limerick in honor of all the dirty poems he inspired.

Minnesota Twins superstar Kirby Puckett was acquitted of sexually assaulting a woman inside the men's room of a bar. It got huge media coverage. Martha Burk applauded the idea of women going anyplace that would dare call itself a Men's Room.

Saddam Hussein was shown on a video in the streets of Baghdad Friday. He was seen shaking hands, kissing babies and denouncing President Bush. We knew there would be a wild card in the New Hampshire primary but we thought it would be Hillary.

Sen. John Kerry lashed back at Republicans Friday for doubting his patriotism. He said he fought for his right to speak out. He reminded reporters that he lost part of his leg in the Vietnam War, and the reporters reminded him that was Bob Kerrey.

Tom Brokaw was named Most Trusted News Anchor in America in a TV Guide poll. His heir-apparent Brian Williams finished last. At this rate the only way Brian Williams will attain the top job is to sit down with Billy Graham and quit drinking.

Saddam Hussein puzzled armchair analysts by his refusal to surrender Friday as U.S. troops approached. It's difficult to get inside his head. He's a madman, a mass murderer and a dictator, at least that's what it says on his business cards.

Independence Hall in Philadelphia reopened Friday with tighter security in place. This is where the Declaration of Independence was signed. If you thought taxation without representation was onerous, you should see it with representation.

Augusta National was assailed Monday by arch-feminist Martha Burk at the New York City Council meeting. Her logic is flawless. She disagrees with the club's constitution, the club's rules and the club's traditions, so she wants to be a member.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton