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Jewish World Review June 17, 2003 / 17 Sivan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Winston Cup superstar Jeff Gordon agreed to give his wife Brooke $15 million for a divorce. Bimbos are so competitive. Brooke Gordon insisted on receiving twice as much money for getting divorced as Hillary Clinton got for staying married.

Washington coach Rick Neuheisel vowed to fight his dismissal for betting. The solution is threefold. To show he's a changed man, Rick Neuheisel will have to stop gambling, go to Gamblers Anonymous meetings, and start punting on fourth down.

Iraqi Air Force commander Hamid Raja Shalah al-Tikriti was captured Saturday in Baghdad. He was the 17th-most-wanted Iraqi leader. Considering that Iraq never got one plane off the ground, the guy's lucky we found him before Saddam did.

Saddam Hussein's daughter told the London Times she talked to her father just before the war and his mood was upbeat. He didn't think the U.S. would invade. It's nice to know in this time of increasing layoffs that Miss Cleo landed on her feet somewhere.

Colin Powell will fly to the Middle East Friday to attempt to jumpstart the peace process. It's not safe anywhere. Last week at the Miss Universe Pageant, Miss Israel wore a bulletproof evening gown in case Donald Trump took a shot at her.

Democrats attacked the new Senate prescription drug plan Saturday. They have a point. The plan would force seniors to obtain drugs through private insurance companies, and in California, most insurance adjusters don't know good pot from bad.

Arnold Schwarzenegger refused last week to discuss the California governor's race until after Terminator 3 is released next month. The timing has to be exactly right. There's no point in getting out of show business until it's really over.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton