Jewish World Review June 17, 2003 / 17 Sivan, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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Winston Cup superstar Jeff Gordon agreed to give his wife
Brooke $15 million for a divorce. Bimbos are so competitive.
Brooke Gordon insisted on receiving twice as much money for
getting divorced as Hillary Clinton got for staying married.
Washington coach Rick Neuheisel vowed to fight his dismissal
for betting. The solution is threefold. To show he's a changed
man, Rick Neuheisel will have to stop gambling, go to Gamblers
Anonymous meetings, and start punting on fourth down.
Iraqi Air Force commander Hamid Raja Shalah al-Tikriti was
captured Saturday in Baghdad. He was the 17th-most-wanted Iraqi
leader. Considering that Iraq never got one plane off the ground,
the guy's lucky we found him before Saddam did.
Saddam Hussein's daughter told the London Times she talked
to her father just before the war and his mood was upbeat. He
didn't think the U.S. would invade. It's nice to know in this time
of increasing layoffs that Miss Cleo landed on her feet somewhere.
Colin Powell will fly to the Middle East Friday to attempt
to jumpstart the peace process. It's not safe anywhere. Last week
at the Miss Universe Pageant, Miss Israel wore a bulletproof
evening gown in case Donald Trump took a shot at her.
Democrats attacked the new Senate prescription drug plan
Saturday. They have a point. The plan would force seniors to
obtain drugs through private insurance companies, and in
California, most insurance adjusters don't know good pot from bad.
Arnold Schwarzenegger refused last week to discuss the
California governor's race until after Terminator 3 is released
next month. The timing has to be exactly right. There's no point
in getting out of show business until it's really over.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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