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Jewish World Review June 19, 2002 / 9 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The United States beat Mexico in the World Cup and must play Germany in the quarter-finals on Friday. Now it gets tough. If history in any guide, the only way to defeat Germany is to retreat to your own goal and wait for winter to set in.

The Democratic Leadership Council Thursday will hold their National Service Day. It's a salute to the volunteers who supervise public service projects and highway litter pickup crews. Any one of them could soon be Martha Stewart's new boss.

Bill Clinton spoke Monday to a meeting of the Council of Foreign Relations at the Yale Club in New York. He made $9 million giving speeches last year. That puts him number-two on the money list behind Tiger Woods among all active golfers.

President Bush and Laura are hosting the White House Conference on Character and Community today. The idea is to encourage every American to live by family values and personal responsibility. Hollywood may not secede just from Los Angeles.

The Democratic and Republican National Committees revealed Monday that they both might hold their 2004 conventions in Miami. It's a good idea. The earlier they start the counting the more likely we are to have a president before Christmas.

The White House ordered the CIA to oust Saddam Hussein using covert methods. It was all over the papers Saturday and all over the talk shows Sunday. If this operation were any less covert it would be represented by Paul McCartney's publicist.

Dick Gephardt called Sunday for the ouster of Saddam Hussein and Tom Daschle called for replacing Yasser Arafat. What hams. The All-Star game is a month away and the Democrats are already competing for the honor of throwing out the first Arab.

Al Gore will train young Democrats in political organizing in Nashville this summer. He will teach them how to work long hours for no pay doing menial work. He's been away in Washington for so long he thinks Tennessee is still a slave state.

The Washington Post said Sunday the White House authorized covert activities by the CIA only two months after the FBI expanded its surveillance powers. The same day, U.S. soldiers were fired on in Southeast Asia amid campus anti-war protests. The good news is, cocaine and disco come back two years after the president resigns.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton