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Jewish World Review April 26, 2002 / 14 Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush was in South Dakota Wednesday to campaign for Republicans and promise more aid to farmers. Democrats promise farmers the same thing. Once the election is over, the farmers have to go back to fertilizing the crops themselves.

The House of Representatives passed a bill Wednesday to try to prevent an Enron-style scandal from happening again. Energy executives are against it. If they wanted their investment portfolios ruined by public disclosure, they would run for vice president.

Charles Manson was denied parole Wednesday for committing mass murder in Los Angeles in 1969. He single-handedly terrified the nation and today he wears a swastika on his forehead. Every six years he finishes third for president of France.

French voters stunned the world Sunday by voting far right- winger Jean-Marie Le Pen into the nation's presidential runoff. He hates Muslims and Jews. Colin Powell saluted the guy for finally getting Arabs and Israelis to agree on something.

President Bush and the Saudi Crown Prince spent last night together in Crawford. This nicely illustrates the Bush Doctrine. Anyone who harbors a terrorist had better control the excess capacity to stabilize world oil markets, or else he's a terrorist.

Colin Powell on Wednesday criticized Saudi Arabia's telethon for PLO suicide bombers. They raised $100 million, but it wasn't enough. Every time a suicide bomber explodes someone has to pay for 72 first-class tickets aboard Virgin Airways.

Ariana Afghan Airlines asked for international aid Wednesday for its effort to rebuild. The airline has one airplane and 1,600 employees. That's the ratio you have to have when all your passengers are young males of Middle Eastern descent.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton