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Jewish World Review Sept. 10, 2003 / 13 Elul, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Baltimore Sun said Monday al-Qaeda suspects at Guantanamo are confessing when given McDonald's Happy Meals and Twinkies. Forget bamboo slits under fingernails and Chinese water torture. No prisoner can withstand the American Way of Life.

Teddy Kennedy vowed to hold up President Bush's $87 billion request unless he reveals his Iraq strategy. Hold on for dear life. This road is dangerous enough without taking the car keys away from President Bush and handing them to Ted Kennedy.

Senator Hillary Clinton announced on Monday she will block the confirmation of Mike Leavitt to be the head of the Environmental Protection Agency. She has her reasons. After all, he's the governor of Utah and she's married to a polygamist.

Cruz Bustamante told a Fresno crowd that Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to take driver's licenses away from immigrants who fought and died for this country. It's only right. Dead people are only legally allowed to vote in Chicago and drive in Florida.

Gray Davis knocked Arnold Schwarzenegger Sunday for being unable to pronounce California. Democrats shouldn't make fun of someone's German accent. Poland ran a Hitler impersonator contest on the radio in 1939 and the winner got twenty years.

Maria Shriver asked Democrats to vote for her husband Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday. He's pro-choice, pro-gay rights and was a known womanizer. If Arnold was any more like a Kennedy he and Maria could only have been married in West Virginia.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton