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Jewish World Review Dec. 11, 2002 / 6 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The European Union banned tobacco advertising starting in 2005. Watch for cigarette makers to offer movie producers huge bucks for product placement. Next year, millions of kids in Europe will be cutting school to come see Harry Potter Stunts His Growth.

Hollywood celebrities released an open letter to President Bush Tuesday urging peace in Iraq. They see no threat. Whitney Houston believes that if Saddam Hussein is in possession of any chemical weapons, they should get together and party.

The White House ordered U.S. troops to begin war games in the Persian Gulf off the coast of Qatar. The soldiers have been training for weeks to survive germ and biological attacks. They were transported to the region aboard Carnival Cruise ships.

The Transportation Security Administration eased restrictions on parking and gate searches at airports Monday. However, the airports remain dangerous. Three people were just injured at the United terminal when they were struck in the head by falling 401-Ks.

United Airlines filed for bankruptcy protection Monday and vowed to cut costs and wages throughout the company. The effects were felt immediately. At airport bars from coast to coast, United pilots had to switch from top shelf to well drinks.

Democrats gathered Monday for an economic forum in Washington D.C. They said the president's economic plan has failed, but they haven't yet agreed on a plan of their own. Their best prospect involves John Kerry marrying a really rich country.



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© 2002, Argus Hamilton