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Jewish World Review August 13, 2002 / 5 Elul, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Hillary Clinton gave $469,000 to Democratic candidates for Congress. However, two thousand dollars was returned to her from Oklahoma Democrat Brad Carson. He would suffer less political damage if he accepted the money from Mary Todd Lincoln.

Transportation Secretary Norm Mineta is under fire for all the chaos in airport security. It's out of control. The airlines just agreed to place sensors in seats to detect if a person is drunk, and that's just in the America West pilots' lounge.

Billionaire adventurer Steve Fossett failed Sunday to break the world record for high-altitude gliding. You hear the same story over and over these days. He says if he had it to do all over again, he would have sold at forty thousand feet.

Newsweek says alleged dirty-bomb terrorist Jose Padilla is still in lock-up although the Justice Department has no evidence against him and no plans to bring charges. How weak is the government's case? If O.J. Simpson can positively identify him as the real killer, everybody goes home happy.

The State Department said a Muslim cleric who inquired about Salt Lake City Olympic security is a member of al-Qaeda. He was deported before the games began. Just think, terrorists could have ruined everything the Russian mafia worked so hard to achieve.

Dr. Steven Hatfill Sunday denied press reports that he's the anthrax mailer from last autumn. The FBI said their hound dogs went wild barking at him. So he's either the anthrax mailer or at one time in his life he was a civil rights activist.

Dr. Hatfill ripped into the FBI Sunday for leaking his name to the media as a likely suspect in the anthrax mailing. He gave an impassioned and eloquent speech that convinced everyone of his innocence. He may never work as a scientist again, but Martha Stewart has found her spokesman.

Elvis Presley Week is underway in Memphis this week, complete with Elvis parades, Elvis candlelight vigils, and Elvis concerts with Elvis impersonators. There's a lesson here. Never believe anyone who tells you that Bill Clinton couldn't have helped Al Gore carry Tennessee.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton