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Jewish World Review August 6, 2003 / 8 Menachem-Av, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Wall Street Journal urged Hillary Clinton on Monday to run for President of the United States. The endorsement came out of nowhere. Bob Hope hasn't been in heaven a week and already he's throwing his weight around on behalf of comedians.

U.S. forces in Iraq have begun training recruits for the new Iraqi army, which will be trained and ready in two months. Their services are desperately needed. Somebody has to patrol the streets of Los Angeles in case Kobe Bryant gets convicted.

Tiger Woods clobbered a spectator with an approach shot at the Buick Open on national television Sunday. The guy was knocked unconscious and required three stitches to his head. Tiger Woods could get twenty-eight days in the Jerry Ford Center.

Colin Powell flew to Crawford on Monday to meet with President Bush and deny rumors he will resign. He's been a general, a Chairman of the Joint Chiefs and a Secretary of State and his goal has always been the same. Avoid flying commercial.

Saddam Hussein's voice was identified by the CIA as authentic on the dictator's latest audiotape message Monday. He's releasing these tapes more frequently now. It's getting to where Saddam Hussein follows Paul Harvey every day at twelve-fifteen.

Howard Dean told Larry King Monday he is opposed to the war in Iraq but he's glad Saddam Hussein is gone. He's nothing if not consistent. When Howard Dean was a doctor he wouldn't even remove an appendix unless France and Germany were onboard.

Governor Gray Davis filed suit Monday challenging the legality of his recall election. He's getting desperate. Yesterday Gray Davis allowed five gay guys to follow him around Sacramento to teach him how to dress and act more like a governor.

Hustler publisher Larry Flynt will run for California governor. Fundraising is no problem. All he has to do is threaten to publish pictures of movie stars from their first year in Hollywood and the checks will start arriving by Overnight Mail.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton