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Jewish World Review Sept. 26, 2003 / 29 Elul, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Senate voted Tuesday to ban commercial events on the National Mall. They were mad over the NFL opening day show. It was advertised as the World's Largest Tailgate Party, and Tailgate is the nickname in Washington for the Ken Starr Report.

Islamic terrorists in Iraq attacked a movie theater in Mosul Wednesday. They were upset the theater was showing a pornographic movie so they tossed a hand grenade at the screen. That's one vote against Mary Carey for California governor.

California broadcasters held a debate Wednesday for the top governor candidates. They were a bodybuilder, a socialist, a conservative, a harpie, and the only dull Hispanic in the world. Look at the five of them, if they were cards, you would fold.

Arianna Huffington annoyed everybody at the debate with her heavily-accented non-stop talking and her camera hogging. She's getting a lot of media coverage. The Discovery Channel is doing a documentary about her life entitled The Lost Gabor.

Arianna accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of mistreatment of women. When he could get a word in, he said he has a special role for her in Terminator Four. Offering a woman a part in a movie in exchange for silence is a tradition as old as Hollywood.

Republican Tom McClintock was judged by consensus the winner of the debate on Wednesday. He was smart, he was specific and eloquent. He's expected to easily carry California Republicans because he has the same last name as a John Wayne movie.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton