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Jewish World Review March 11, 2003 / 7 Adar II, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The New York Yankees arranged for security air patrols over Yankee Stadium on Opening Day. Anything could fall from the sky. President Bush is squeezing the U.N. so hard that diplomats are starting to squirt out of the top of the building.

David Wells said he threw a perfect game at Yankee Stadium when he was drunk and hadn't shaved in days. That's his favorite look. Until his morning shower and second cup of coffee, David Wells could be mistaken for an al-Qaeda mastermind.

The Black Panthers applied Friday to join the protesters at the Masters and picket the Ku Klux Klan who picket the feminists who picket Augusta National. Boston is livid. They thought they were supposed to host the Democratic Convention.

Southern Californians protested the record-high cost of gasoline at the pump Saturday. The stations don't even bother to post prices. The sign in front of the Chevron station in Beverly Hills reads, If You Have to Ask, You Can't Afford It.

Newsweek did a cover story on President Bush's faith and the evangelical movement among Republicans. It doesn't imply that Democrats lack religion. If you don't think Hillary Clinton believes in eternity, just ask her how long it is until 2008.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton