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Jewish World Review Dec. 5, 2002 / 30 Kislev, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Beverly Hills prosecutors asked a judge to give Winona Ryder psychiatric and drug counseling. She was arrested with eight prescription drugs and an armload of outlandishly expensive outfits. Elvis impersonators come in all shapes and sizes.

Bill Clinton gave a pep talk to the Democratic Leadership Council Tuesday. He knows that patience will defeat the Republicans. The hard part is to wait until the American public has had it up to here with honor and dignity in the White House.

Russia lifted its ban on the import of frozen chickens from Tyson Foods last week. The company insisted all along there's nothing wrong with the way that they prepare their chickens. They just tell them straight out that they're going to die.

John Kerry and John Edwards and Joe Lieberman maneuvered for position Monday for the presidential primaries. They can't ignore a dark cloud hanging overhead. Democrats are starting to believe that, compared to Al Gore, Dracula died instantly.

Saddam Hussein opened the door to his Baghdad palace to reporters Tuesday and the entry hall alone was an eight-sided three-story room of carved marble with a gold and crystal chandelier and poems to Saddam carved into the walls. Now you know why the Republicans want to destroy him. He hired Hillary Clinton's decorator.

The Institute of Certified Public Accountants met in Las Vegas this week. It was relaxing for them. Roulette is child's play compared to letting it all ride on whether the feds are going to nail you for your last quarterly earnings statement.

The New York State Assembly is considering a bill to greatly lower the drunk driving blood alcohol standard, which is being pushed by Mothers Against Drunk Driving. This is a fight older than the Republic. The Puritans will never be happy until they can arrest the Episcopalians for taking communion.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton