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Jewish World Review May 8, 2002 / 26 Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Bill Clinton discussed a $50 million deal with NBC for a talk show Thursday. He already makes $100,000 a speech and just signed a lucrative deal with a Los Angeles investment firm. He could just kill himself for raising taxes on the rich.

War Emblem led the field wire-to-wire to capture the Kentucky Derby Saturday at Churchill Downs. The horse was bought only three weeks ago by a Saudi Arabian prince. He was shopping for presidents in Texas and saw a horse he just had to have.

A Louisiana priest resigned Monday when a photograph showed him standing bare-chested next to a drag queen during Mardi Gras. The pope is cleaning house. He issued a letter to all priests warning, for the last time, that YMCA is not a hymn.

The U.S. accused Libya and Syria and Cuba Monday of pursuing weapons of mass destruction. This doubles the membership of the axis of evil. At the rate evil is reproducing, the Christian Coalition may have to support cloning just to keep up.

Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon flew to America on Sunday for high-level talks. Last week, he spoke for half an hour with Ted Koppel and this week, he's come to the United States to talk to the big guy. That's right, he's doing Letterman.

Ariel Sharon urged President Bush Monday to dump PLO chief Yasser Arafat from the peace process. The White House is naturally gun-shy. Every time Republicans try to dump a world leader, five of them end up resigning from Congress over mistress revelations.

Ariel Sharon accused Palestinians Monday of plotting more attacks on Israel. (Ed's Note: And he was right) This is the world's most dangerous neighborhood. Last night, a Palestinian was arrested in a Jerusalem public square with a Nebraska postbox strapped to his chest.

Nebraska authorities found two more pipe bombs in mailboxes Monday bringing the total to fifteen. First it was anthrax, now pipe bombs. President Bush must now weigh the benefits of another $300 tax rebate against the risks of going to the mailbox to get it.

The NYPD confirmed Monday it has one dozen police detectives protecting Rudy Giuliani around-the-clock at a cost of $1 million a year. He continues to lead by example. He wants to show Americans that it's safe to sponge off the taxpayers again.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton