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Jewish World Review April 15, 2002 / 4 Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Bill Clinton was hired as a senior advisor to the Los Angeles-based Yucaipa Investment Funds. He's set for life. No one begrudges him the millions he'll be making because Americans have always felt that a great comedian is worth every penny.

The New York Post says Saudi Arabian television held a telethon to raise money for suicide bombers. What a sorry sight. Variety television reached a new low when a Sinatra impersonator came out and sang I've Got You Strapped to My Chest.

Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney said President Bush ignored advance notice of the September 11th attacks so his dad could make money on his defense contractor investments. It's so sad. Ever since Oliver Stone started smoking pot, all the best conspiracy theories are taken before he can get the Twinkie out of his mouth.

Environmentalists admitted Thursday the Caribou population at Prudhoe Bay in Alaska quintupled since drilling began there in 1973. It makes perfect sense. Once that oil money starts rolling in, you feel like you can afford a large family.

Colin Powell flew to the Mideast Thursday to jump start peace talks between Israel and the PLO. The Oslo Agreement signed in 1993 by both parties is in complete shreds. It's nice to know that Arthur Andersen didn't lose all their clients.

Secretary of State Colin Powell met Prime Minister Ariel Sharon in Israel and Yasser Arafat in Ramallah this weekend. He said he will stay in the region as long as it takes to get a peace treaty. As an Anglican, he believes in eternal life.

France won't cooperate with the U.S. in the Zacarias Moussaoui case involving September 11th. They oppose the death penalty. France believes that the best way to handle terrorists is to give them Poland and Czechoslovakia and see how it goes.

Congressman James Traficant was convicted of taking bribes and kickbacks on Thursday. The Democrat has served in the House for twenty years. It just proves the wisdom of Americans who back the two-term limit, one in office and one in jail.

Congress wants to sell the acreage around Yellowstone that was set aside by President Clinton. He loved the place. The great thing about Bill Clinton was, every year he would pose for cameras in front of Old Faithful, just to keep the comedians fed.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton