Jewish World Review April 25, 2003 / 23 Nisan, 5763
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Mullah of Baghdad issued an edict Friday forbidding wives from having sex with their husbands if they participated in looting. What a novel approach. If Congressional mistresses were this organized we could balance the budget by Tuesday.
The Bank of Baghdad was assigned U.S. troop protection Sunday after robberies threatened economic chaos. The challenges are daunting. Iraqis have been hit with enormous inflation when you consider that just a week ago, everything was free.
The FBI said Monday artifacts looted in Baghdad are starting to surface. One piece was seized by American airport screeners. They are on alert for young men of Middle Eastern descent who claim to be overseas representatives for Pottery Barn.
Carson Palmer agreed to a deal with the Cincinnati Bengals. He's the top NFL draft pick. No one wants to say the deal is lucrative, but Carson Palmer would have to go house to house in the suburbs of Baghdad to get his hands on more U.S. currency.
U.S. soldiers found $112 million in cash in a Baghdad kennel Tuesday. Last week they found $650 million in a palace. Democrats are quick to point out that the Iraqi government may have been brutal and repressive but at least they ran a surplus.
Saddam Hussein was reported Wednesday to be on the lam somewhere in Iraq. Troops guard every pharmacy in the country. A man who lit his entire house with lamps in the shape of naked women can only go so long without refilling his Viagra prescription.
U.S. Customs caught reporters returning from Iraq with paintings, gold-plated guns and bonds they swiped at palaces. The journalists said they couldn't help but join in all the looting. If convicted they could get up to five years on the board of Enron.
Dick Gephardt proposed a national health care plan Wednesday that would raise taxes to cover 41 million uninsured Americans. He was encouraged by Hillary Clinton to pursue national health care. She wants him out of the way in four years.
Democrat John Edwards spent Earth Day in Los Angeles Tuesday. The visit was inevitable. John Edwards is an ambulance chaser and it was just a matter of time before he found his way to the twisted wreckage of Hollywood's anti-war community.
France announced its new policy on sanctions against Iraq Tuesday. They said they support suspending them but not lifting them. Only the French could make an argument over exports sound like a debate between the WonderBra and Cross Your Heart.
Wall Street scored huge gains Tuesday spurred by strong profits and earnings statements from Lockheed and Pfizer. Lockheed manufactures fighter bombers and Pfizer makes Viagra. All in all, it was an excellent quarter for American firepower.
Senator Rick Santorum enraged gay groups Saturday by comparing homosexuality to polygamy, bigamy and incest. It hurts his career. Hardly a day goes by that another name isn't added to the list of people who will never host the Tony Awards.
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