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Jewish World Review Nov. 26, 2002 / 21 Kislev, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush was cheered wildly in Lithuania Saturday when he promised to protect their freedom. He spoke in a public square. He could only have gotten a bigger ovation if he had dangled Michael Jackson over his hotel balcony railing.

Die Another Day with Pierce Brosnan as James Bond tops the box office. There were a few problems. They almost changed the title when they learned that Die Another Day is both the Iraqi National Anthem and the motto for Blue Cross and Blue Shield.

The Miss World Pageant fled to London from Nigeria Friday due to Muslim fury over the beauty pageant. One of the contestants was able to talk the mob out of torching the auditorium. And you thought the Miss Congeniality Award was pointless.

Tucson was the site of a weekend bio-terrorism drill conducted by U.S. health officials. Emergency treatment was given to volunteers who portrayed victims of germ warfare. They wanted to be ready the next time Holland America docks in Tucson.

The Senate skipped town Friday without passing the desperately-needed Energy Bill. It underscores the dilemma. America's energy problems may be impossible to solve because all the oil is in Alaska and all the dipsticks are in Washington.

Laura Bush visited the old presidential palace in Romania Saturday. She saw the hunting room where the late dictator Nicolae Ceausescu hung bearskin rugs from bears he had shot himself. The exhibit is titled What Goes Around Comes Around.

NFL star Steve Smith was jailed and charged with assault after he attacked a Carolina teammate last week. It's an epidemic. At the rate NFL players are going to jail, by this next time season, first downs will be measured by real chain gang.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton