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Jewish World Review July 9, 2003 / 9 Tamuz, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | West Nile virus made its first appearance this summer from mosquito bites in South Carolina. It alarms California health officials. The disease causes brain cell death and listlessness, which means it could go undetected for years in Los Angeles.

Los Angeles Laker Kobe Bryant was accused of sexual assault at a Vail resort hotel but charges weren't filed as of Monday. He got lucky in one respect. The surest way for an athlete to get a Los Angeles jury is to be tried in Vail or Aspen.

Hillary Clinton told the London Times that she watches old videotape of Lady Margaret Thatcher for inspiration. It makes sense. The way Margaret Thatcher got her husband to stay quietly in the background is Hillary's idea of great leadership.

Bill Clinton flew to London to attend the Progressive Governance Conference. Liberals must be scratching their heads. To get to the left of President Bush's prescription drug plan, Democrats pretty much have to nationalize the steel industry.

General John Abizaid was appointed Monday to be the new commander of Centcom. The general possesses the two essential qualifications necessary to handle the developing situation in Iraq. He can speak Arabic and he made it out of Vietnam.

The CIA said the latest audiotape of Saddam Hussein is authentic. He sounded chipper. Saddam knows it's not going to get any easier for the Anglo-Saxons to hunt him down now that Parliament just outlawed the horses, the dogs, and the horns.

Israel protested Iran's successful test of a Shahab-3 missile that could reach Tel Aviv. It's the 3 that worries them. Israel can't feel comfortable with missiles in Iran that are released on the same schedule as Terminator sequels.

Remy-Martin unveiled a new cognac called Remy Space that can be drunk in zero gravity during space flight. It provides an important option. If America West pilots lose their jobs for flunking a sobriety test, there's always the space program.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton