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Jewish World Review August 29, 2002 / 21 Elul, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Major League Baseball worked desperately all week to head off a strike. How angry is the public? Young men of Middle Eastern descent have been overheard at the airport saying they wouldn't want to be a baseball player in today's climate.

The Little League World Series was won by Louisville Sunday in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. The game took forever. Every time one of the players was able to reach home he was asked to give a description of his kidnapper to a sketch artist.

Magician Criss Angel pulled a stunt in Times Square Tuesday. He spent twenty-four hours upside down inside a water tank. At one point he was only three hundred and seventy degrees Fahrenheit from having his number retired by the Boston Red Sox.

A U.S. Airways flight had to be escorted by fighter jets on Tuesday. The pilot accidentally mentioned the secret code word for hijacking and the radio picked it up. Perhaps the secret code word shouldn't have been cocktail in the first place.

Saudi Ambassador Prince Bandar's plane was forced down by F- 16 fighters en route to meet President Bush in Texas. It was due to document problems. There was a time when a Florida flight school certificate commanded more respect in this country.

Al Gore's office received an envelope full of white powder in Tuesday's mail. The FBI is pretty sure it's not anthrax. The letter expresses the hope that the white powder will help energize his campaign and is signed Hunter Thompson.

The Los Angeles School Board voted to replace sodas with orange juice in all vending machines to promote fitness. Sales will plummet. O.J. is associated with a lot of things in California, but a long and healthy life isn't one of them.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton