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Jewish World Review August 14, 2003 / 16 Menachem-Av, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Democrats released movie footage of Arnold Schwarzenegger smoking pot in the 1978 documentary Pumping Iron. He couldn't afford cocaine. It's the California equivalent of proving you were born in a log cabin and come from humble beginnings.

Arnold Schwarzenegger incurred Hispanic fury on Monday when his 1994 support for Proposition 187 was made public. It's a misunderstanding. If Arnold simply checks his 1994 records, he will discover that Proposition 187 was Jamie Lee Curtis.

Gray Davis ripped the federal rules requiring ethanol in California gasoline Tuesday. He's getting the wrong political advice. If Gray Davis wants to be more popular in Los Angeles he will have to change his name to Natural Looking Dark Brown.

Sports Illustrated says Ted Williams was decapitated before being frozen and stored last year in Scottsdale. It has its upside. Schoolchildren in Scottsdale now pay much closer attention whenever the teacher discusses the French Revolution.

Arizona sheriffs shot and killed a man Monday who attempted to drive through a barricade set up to protect President Bush. The man was waving a beer can and demanding to die. Some guys just don't react well to Billy Graham's stump speech.

John Kerry visited Iowa farms Tuesday and discussed hog lots with the voters. He's a U.S. Senator and the second husband of a woman worth five hundred million bucks. The hogs dared him to make one derogatory remark about feeding at the trough.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton