Jewish World Review April 14, 2003 / 12 Nisan, 5763
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Saddam Hussein disappeared without a trace in Baghdad Wednesday. He could be hiding in a cave in the mountains like Osama bin Laden. The president of Syria just joined the Sierra Club in order to enjoy a ten percent discount on hiking boots.
Gary Hart told reporters Friday he will announce within days whether he will run for the Democratic nomination for president. He's known for his integrity. Fifteen years ago his wife caught him having an affair, and he won't stand for that.
Bill Clinton made an appearance at Willie Nelson's birthday party concert Wednesday. It was a moment of healing. They would appear to be natural enemies, but if Kurds and Sunnis can be asked to get along, so can the guy who raised taxes and Willie Nelson.
The Montreal Expos played Sunday at their new alternate home in Puerto Rico. Canada refused to join the U.S. war on Iraq and Puerto Rico won't allow U.S. bombing practice. During the seventh inning stretch, their fans sing Good Morning Starshine.
New York bar patrons chewed tobacco last week in protest of the smoking ban despite health warnings about the substance from studies in poor rural areas. One study shows that one out of every four five-year-olds in West Virginia has chewed tobacco. That's because you're not allowed to smoke in West Virginia until you're six.
The Masters was delayed Thursday due to rainfall at Augusta National. It was a great break for Martha Burk's protesters. They will get plenty of camera time if a demonstration demanding equal rights for women turns into a wet T-shirt contest.
Dan Rather found fifty suicide bombing vests in an Iraqi school Thursday. They are very popular this year. Last week one Palestinian woman was overheard in the dressing room asking another Palestinian woman if this bomb makes her look fat.
Colin Powell warned Syria not to make chemical or biological weapons. A victory over Syria could be a public relations nightmare. If U.S. troops have to free Damascus, the date of the city's liberation will be forever known as VD Day.
Baseball's Hall of Fame in Cooperstown canceled a 15th anniversary tribute to the movie Bull Durham due to the anti-war activism by its stars Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon. Advertisers are skittish nowadays. Mike Piazza may have lost a TV commercial only because the signal for a curve ball is the same as the peace sign.
Rodney Dangerfield underwent surgery at UCLA hospital Tuesday and is slated to be released within a week. He gets no respect. Rodney Dangerfield was once kicked out of the Museum of Tolerance because they have to draw the line somewhere.
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