Jewish World Review June 9, 2003 / 9 Sivan, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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The Belmont Stakes in New York drew a record-size crowd to
the racetrack on Saturday afternoon. It's no surprise. The
unemployment figures just came out and apparently the race would
have drawn the same size crowd on a Wednesday afternoon.
Hillary Clinton spoke with Barbara Walters Sunday to begin
the media blitz for her memoir. Her husband is writing his book.
The Clintons are also working on a plan where when you close your
eyes, they appear on the inside of your eyelids.
Woody Allen was hired to promote French tourism Friday. This
is very shrewd marketing. France currently harbors Roman Polanski,
so it's obvious that Las Vegas isn't the only tourist destination
advising people to leave the kids at home.
Jack Kennedy snorted coke and partied with showgirls, writes
Frank Sinatra's valet in a new book. His presidential election was
needlessly close. Californians would never have gone for Nixon if
they had known Jack Kennedy was one of their own.
Arnold Schwarzenegger said Friday he wants to run for
California governor. He is pro-choice, pro-gay rights, and pro-gun
control. The only thing that would stop him from being elected is
if Governor Gray Davis brings in Warren Beatty to do his stunts.
The Republican Party raised millions of dollars at a
Washington banquet last week. The mood was festive. They ate a
huge amount of food--four thousand steaks, one thousand
hamburgers, two hundred turkeys, and Tony Bennett's drummer is
missing.
The Campaign for America's Future conference was held in
Washington. They are Democrats dedicated to the principles of
Franklin D. Roosevelt. The first principle is, even presidents who
are in wheelchairs deserve the right to cheat on the First Lady.
John Ashcroft asked Congress Thursday for the power to
detain terror suspects indefinitely without trials. Congress
balked. It could cost America billions if Red China cuts off trade
with the United States to protest our human rights record.
Tom Ridge vowed Thursday to revise the current Terror Alert
System. Orange and yellow just aren't cutting it. Unfortunately
this is no time for federal officers to be knocking on Martha
Stewart's door with color samples and questions.
Finding Nemo opened Friday and was a movie box office smash
for Walt Disney Studios. It's made seventy million dollars. That's
the most money anybody made last week without several thousand
acres of corn and a Senator's home phone number.
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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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