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Jewish World Review Sept. 20, 2002 / 14 Tishrei, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Congress sat dumbstruck Tuesday as investigators revealed how many clues the FBI missed ahead of the September 11th attacks. It was bad. Within the hour, Saddam Hussein invited the FBI to look anywhere they like for weapons of mass destruction.

Saddam Hussein promised Monday to let U.N. weapons inspectors search anywhere they want inside Iraq. The president isn't swallowing his story. By and large, Saddam Hussein's promises go down with the Bush family like broccoli and pretzels.

Saddam Hussein blamed United Nations trade sanctions for the lousy condition of his nation's economy. It's about to get worse. The Iraqis opened their care packages from the United States this week and they were filled with Target T-shirts.

The Senate agreed Tuesday to consider a resolution authorizing force against Iraq. This debate may decide whether the country goes to war. The gallery will be packed with onlookers and casual observers, but the Democrats have to sit somewhere.

France and Russia defended Iraq Wednesday and demanded inspections take place before the U.S. and Britain are allowed to attack. It surprised everybody. No one would have thought a Muslim country would wind up hosting the World Series of Poker.

Monica Lewinsky asked the federal government Tuesday to pay her $1.2 million in legal bills. She needs the money after she lost her Jenny Craig Diet contract. At one point in her life, she was so overweight she could barely fit under the desk.

The General Accounting Office said securing the nation's mass transit from terrorism will not be easy. It's a relief to Californians. Talking on the cell phone while driving on the freeway is no longer the most hazardous form of travel.

Arnold Schwarzenegger hired a pollster to see if he could be elected governor of California as a write-in candidate. His issue is poor education. His problem is that twenty years of declining test scores won't help anybody spell Schwarzenegger.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton