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Jewish World Review June 6, 2002 / 25 Sivan, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Al Sharpton flew to India on a self-appointed peace mission on Tuesday. This changes everything. It's so good to know that if India and Pakistan wind up in a nuclear war, somebody will be there to blame it on the New York Police Department.

The Arthur Andersen federal criminal trial wrapped up in Houston on Tuesday. Even if they are found guilty, the accounting firm can look forward to a big deal just signed with General Motors. They won't be doing the books, they'll be making the license plates.

Halliburton is under investigation by the SEC for the period when Dick Cheney was CEO. The Dallas-based oil services company faces real trouble. It didn't look good when Arthur Andersen auditors told investors that Dick Cheney's cholesterol was 125.

CIA Director George Tenet is the Mideast this week for peace talks. He flew there on a U.S. government plane. Frankly, we don't have the time to wait for a Lebanese-American to fly commercial from Ronald Reagan Airport to Tel Aviv and back.

L.A. City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo is fighting a proposed federal anti-terror directive ordering Los Angeles police to round up illegal immigrants. It just isn't necessary. Not once has a Mexican crashed a lawnmower into the Hollywood sign.

England played Argentina today in the World Cup in a rematch of the Falklands War that ended twenty years ago today. In that war, England completely smashed Argentina in four weeks. The bad news was, Argentina was insured by Lloyds of London.

USA Today says the CIA infiltrated Al Qaeda before September 11th. They were able to penetrate Osama bin Laden's organization but didn't expose anything. The longer this goes on, the more it sounds like a sworn statement by Bill Clinton.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton